An e-mail from my ex-girlfriend from college just popped into my inbox. My response? My heart nearly stopped. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. -- then back to normal. Remember: I tested zero in "F" in Myers-Briggs, and can sometimes turn all of "F" off, if I have to.
Her name came up last week when I was having dinner with Heidi Hau, so I decided to shoot off a quick e-mail to see if she was on the other side. Only three of my friends have seen her since things ended (with my heart lying on the ground, trampled into oblivion), so I had nearly no information about what she had been up to for the last five years.
In any case, just seeing her name and knowing that she is on the other side of the computer evokes a strange feeling. Weakness, perhaps? I wrote letters into the void for so long, and I guess I was still expecting no reply.
I harbor no bad feelings about the relationship, and remember mostly the good things. I am not the type of person who dwells on the negative.
Um. I can't really articulate myself right now.
Non-sequitur, except in my own head: What I do know is that given basic privilege, life moves in a direction directed by oneself. I always want to tell the many people out there I've met who look at my lifestyle and wonder how to get it (or the lifestyles of others out there I've met while on the road) that they just have to do it. Stop being afraid! Work, save some bootstrapping money, quit, and make your own road. That -- and a bit of luck -- is what it takes. But you'll have to sacrifice many of the things in your life that you take for granted: stability, routine, etc.
Will what I'm going work in the long term? Who knows. I definitely haven't reached the end of the road yet, and am still trying to figure it out. :)
One of these days, someone is going to walk up to me and say, "(sarcastic) Wow, you have tough life! Must be rough going to all the places you go. And your photos are so sharp! You must have a really nice camera!" I'd probably lose it.