Eric Cheng

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The Stinking Noid

The Russian/Jewish guy sitting behind me has the worst body odor of any non-homeless person I've encountered in a 1st-world country. His aromatic aura is so viscerally pungent that it collects in the back of my throat, daring me to gag, and I can tell both where he is in the room and whether he has any arms up in the air, even with my eyes closed.

I keep telling Peter that it's his DUTY as the guy's boss to inform him that his lack of personal hygiene is affecting the productivity of the group (his crappy coding and social skills notwithstanding), but Peter can't think of a way to do it without feeling like a jerk.

Yesterday, we discovered that it is possible for The Noid to clean up. For the first time since I arrived in New York, he walked in, and flowers did not wilt in his wake, nor did babies cry in horror. Peter noticed that his hair wasn't shiny, either (we postulate that the shine helps his yarmulke stay on his head, even in windy weather). And, of course, with the passing of the new year, all sorts of jokes flew around about a possible "yearly shower", which could perhaps mean that I have at least a day of aromatic neutrality.

Fundamentally, the guy means well, but the quality of his work is poor, he's hard to talk to, and he smells like shit. Lose, lose, lose. Just another day in The Suck.

*UPDATE - DAY 2* Still no smell. This could be the beginning of something beautiful.

*UPDATE - DAY 2.25* I take it back. Stench is at 5%, and climbing. "He has an awful lot of those blue shirts," Peter says.

*UPDATE - DAY 3* It's morning. 7.5%, today. Fuck.

*UPDATE - DAY 3.5* 15% now. It's pretty bad already, but it's been considerably worse in the past.