Friendships

Weddings have a way of making me both blissfully elated and slightly depressed. But everyone is together in an environment of happiness and love, so why the depression? I'm not sure, but it probably has to do with forever being an odd number in what is forever an increasingly paired circle of friends. I have been thinking recently about friendships, about the strength of some and the fragility of others. I've been amazed that friendships lasting many years can be upset nearly to the point of no return by fallout from a single event (although, that "event" is probably just the tipping point from multiple, prior issues). And given the fragility of some long-term friendships, I wonder how more recent friendships can survive at all.

As I am getting older, it is becoming harder to make new friends (even though I meet dozens of new people every month, during my travels). It's so much easier to lean on the ones from the past -- the ones who are so close that they feel like family.

Also, I'm realizing that I'm a one-strike kind of guy, especially when it comes to new relationships and friendships; it's hard for me to want to patch things up when I have a bad experience with a new person in my life, and I'm more likely to just stop thinking about them. Each time this happens, I wonder if I'm losing someone that might be a great future friend, but I also know that by freeing up some emotional space, I have just opened myself up for the potential of meeting someone else that might be a better match.

And finally, I'm amazed that I still have any friends. My schedule is so bad these days that many of my friends have given up wondering where I am and just wait for me to call when I'm around and free. Unfortunately, this has the effect of making me sort of resentful because I feel like I am always the one who has to call. There are really only a couple people in my life these days who routinely call me, excited about some thing they want to do. The rest, just wait. And it's probably my fault that they do that.

These are just thoughts, not to be taken too seriously. :)